Getting Our Words In Order
We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. James 3:3-6
One of the things that I find myself reflecting on are various conversations. Overwhelmingly, I think of the conversations I have with my wife. There are times when the conversation goes very well. We interact with each other with ease, and things go well. Then, there are the conversations where we simply are not going anywhere. Those usually end up where my wife shuts down because of something I have said. This is not my blaming her, and it is funny because it is not my tone that matters. Because we have known each other for almost 40 years, she reacts the same way if I say a certain phrase. For example, I will say, “I do not understand your decision,” and her response will be, “Stop yelling at me!” It does matter how calm I am or where we are, my history made those words equivalent to my being either disapproving of or upset with her. Thus, I have learned to either preface my statement with a comment saying, “Honey, I am not yelling or disapproving of what you are doing. I am trying to gain clarity.” This shift in my approach did not take a few days or weeks. This took years before I could finally get her to remain calm when I said those words in that same order.
The point of my bringing this up is simply our words matter to both God and others. Many of us heard when we were children, “Stick and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” But we know that is not true. Ask someone whose parent called them lost. How about words that you never hear? What about when you do not hear something like, “I love you” from a loved one? These things must have been important because the Bible places weight on our use of words many times in the Bible. Proverbs speaks of this saying, “The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain; the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.” (Proverbs 10:11) David said, “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14) Along those lines, we should heed the words of James today for in as much as our words have positive impact, they can be destructive as well. Andy Stanley, noting that impact of what we say, said that who we are to others determines the weight and impact of our words, and it’s the impact that ultimately determines the outcome. God wants us to understand that our words have a huge impact to those near to us. We know this when a person who asks nothing in return says, “I love you,” versus the person who say, “I love you, and can you give me twenty dollars.” Jesus loves us unconditionally. Our relationship centers around our giving love to Him simply because He loved us first. Thus, we pour out our hearts in prayer often with words of praise and adoration. We are to take heed to James as a warning too because our words can either build up or tear down a person.
God wants us to be wary of the words we use no matter the circumstances. Paul wrote to the Ephesians, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.” (Ephesians 4:29) God tells us that you are special. We are valued to Him, a prized possession. More importantly, He wants us to let others know just how special they are too, and only way to do that is through the very encouragement Paul spoke of. Let us be of encouragement to others through our words and even deeds and talk to others with the heart of God. Not the Firestarter. Who have you hurt where your words can mend the relationship? Where can you be more encouraging verbally of others? My prayer is that we let the heart and spirit of God in so that we get our words in order. Amen.