I Don’t Wanna …
When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 1 Corinthians 13:11-12
My youngest turned eighteen this year. She is still navigating through the idea of being an adult. She wants to have fun like every child does, but when we ‘flex’ our influence on her, she is quick to point out that she is an adult. Now if you are a parent or remember the days when you had just turned eighteen, you know how this story goes. “Okay. You want to be an adult now? Sounds good to me. Here’s the rent bill. It’s due on the 1st of the month.” And the response is predictable. “No, Mom, I will take care of it. Promise!” I hear that child in me all the time when I must take care of something that’s agonizing or not pleasant but needs to be done. “I don’t wanna,” it yells. However, I started to focus on the bigger picture. What if I do not do this? How will it impact my wife? What about my family that I must support? What about all the things I worked so hard for? Those push me in the direction of what I know must be done even if I really do not want to do it.
We all have those moments when following through on what God asks of us. I will be honest. There are times when I simply do not like God. The urge to do the wrong thing is great simply because it might feel better for the moment. The sermon from church this week talked about the story of the Prodigal Son where, “The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’” (Luke 15:12a) It’s that younger and immature side of me that yells out to God, “I want it now,” or, “I don’t wanna.” But the wiser side kicks in, and I do what God expects. Granted, there are times where I will still make the wrong choice, but remembering lessons learned and God’s provisions, I often turn back before far greater damage is done. Here is the funny thing. God knows this and always gives me an ‘out’ to prevent further damage. This is where spiritual maturity helps me understand who God is and why I should follow.
God is truly a good Father who knows exactly what we need to help us mature and grow. 1 Corinthians 13 is a chapter about love, but these verses, like my previous devotion, speak nothing of the word love. However, my parents always taught me that actions speak louder than words. Today’s verses are not implicit in the words, but they describe what a healthy loving relationship between us and God looks like. When finding and giving our lives to God, we were excited to learn more about His love for us and do His Will simply because we knew no better. Kinda like the ‘Yay, God’ mentality without really knowing who He is. However, as we mature, we find ourselves dealing with conflicts not only because of our sinful nature but also simply trying to do what is right in God’s eyes. We ask questions like, “What if that is not what God wants me to do,” and, “Am I doing this for God or for me?” We deepened our relationship with Him, but to grow it requires us to make some tough decisions. We must put away some of those ‘childish’ things. We are going to say, “I don’t wanna,” but realize it is for our own spiritual growth to do what God wants. Furthermore, we never know the answer to everything, but God does. Here is the truth behind that. If we trust Him and simply move forward with that knowledge, God knows us well enough to direct us where we need to go. This is what today’s verses are all about: leaning on our knowledge of God to do what is right and trusting God to guide our path when we act because He knows us completely.
To trust God is to love Him. One of my favorite movie lines comes from a priest who is asked for help from a parishioner. He responds, “Son, in my thirty-five years of religious study, I’ve come up with only two hard, incontrovertible facts; there is a God, and I’m not Him.” It is a subtle reminder to me that God, not I, needs to run the show. This is not to say that we wait for God to decide. Instead, we trust God when we plan, and yes, sometimes it means don’t decide just yet. Let us remember to trust God even when at times we may not want to. What have you not fully trusted God with? Where in your life do you need to spiritually ‘grow up?’ My prayer is we learn to trust God more even when ‘I don’t wanna.’ Amen.